Catch the Buzz

The Ballad For An Angry Fly   A Philip Davetas Ride  

(Punk Noir), 109 pages, ©1998

Fly is kidnapped by Kimo, a Hawaiian vigilante, to help find his missing niece.

Fly and his kidnapper, Kimo, and a pretty medium, Maggie, are searching for Kimo’s lost niece while on the lam from cops, lethal loan sharks and Russian mud pirates in this punk noir.

FLY’s having one of the worst days of his life and it’s gonna get worse by midnight.  His rent is late, he lost his job, his car, his neighbors are assholes, money and no way of replenishing his body with carbo hydrates and the storm is coming in.  Fly also has a hankering for collecting bottle caps in case he ever wins the $100,000.00 sweepstakes prize advertised on the label.  But he never wins.

His only companion is a nine year-old figment of his imagination who he calls Fly while everybody else assumes he’s referring to himself in the third person.  Apparently, Fly lost any memory of his life before he was nine.  He just woke up in an orphange with a broken arm and several cuts and bruises and never found his mother or father.

Fly has a thing for sticking up for defenseless people especially smaller kids.

While trying to grift his way through life, he finds his Westwood neighbors loud, annoying and at this point in his life totally unbareable.  His next door neighbors, WANI and BELTRAN, are always arguing and his upstairs neighbors, SILICON and MICKEY, are always jacking off the Internet porn that is monopolizing Fly’s illegal phone splicing.

On this particular day, Fly had to kick Beltran’s ass because he was smacking on Wani and locks them both on Mickey and Silicon’s patio balcony.  Beltran tries to climb down the side of the building, but falls off and lands himself in the hospital.

Fly is finally at peace until he hears gunshots upstairs and finds the jackoff boys sprawled out all over the floor.

Curious, Fly moseys on upstairs and meets KIMO, a large Hawaiian man, stuffing a snub nosed .38 special held together by duct tape into his jacket pocket.  Kimo reveals that he is Beltran’s uncle.

Kimo talks to Fly like he knows him, but Fly doesn’t know this asshole.

Kimo then forces Fly to follow him around town to help him by telling him he either helps him or he’ll have to execute the only witness.  Fly figures he doesn’t want to die and he has nothing better to do.

Kimo tells him that he wants to find his long lost niece, Lakeka, who has been missing for six years.  Fly questions this because he assumes she’s already dead or not coming back, but Kimo refuses to believe it.

Kimo then explains that the both of them were supposed to meet at this very moment in time.  When Kimo’s house boat was raided six years ago by Russian mud pirates, Kimo woke up in jail answering for the disappearence of his 13 year-old niece, Lakeka.  Lakeka had a bad growing up and was getting worse with her psycho father always belting her and her mom around.  Lakeka went to her uncle Kimo to help her get away.

It was also around that time that a medium, MAGGIE McMASTERS, was helping police search for the lost Lakeka and she had interviewed the Russian mud pirates that were being questioned for the boat robberies done by RUDOLPH, IVAN and HEADCHEESE.  Maggie anticipated the worst is yet happen to Kimo and his little monchichi, Lakeka.  Kimo tried to help Lakeka escape her father and mother, but the pirates stepped in and changed his life forever.

The case went unsolved, closed and quickly forgotten by the city.

Maggie has been helping Kimo find Fly ever since, because it’s Fly that’s going to help Kimo on his quest. 

Maggie’s premonitions are vague in places like remembering a dream, but she’s always remembered Fly clearly and has fallen in love with him over the years through her premonitions.  And when Fly finally meets Maggie, they dig each other. 

The Pacific storm arrives on to the city.

Los Angeles loan sharks, THE UNCLE SAMS (SAM, SLAPPY and SPIDER) catch up to Kimo for borrowing money to purchase a house boat for his beloved Lakeka.  Shit goes real bad and Kimo winds up catching a bullet leaving Fly and Maggie with a key to a PO box and on their own.  Fly gives Kimo a Mountain Dew before he kicks and checks the cap.  Kimo says, “Ah, fuck it.  Nobody wins this shit.”  Kimo is gone.  Fly pries Kimo’s fist open and checks the cap.

Spider survives the run-in with Kimo and is on his way to the marina to catch up with the mud pirates.

Fly is free, but feeling that he has a moral responsibility to find Lakeka, he continues on with Kimo’s quest becoming more and more like Kimo along the way.

Fly and Maggie stop at a liquor store to pick up a soda and check the bottle cap -- not a winner.  Maggie explains that, “Nobody wins, ya know.”

The mud pirates spend their free time surfing down the mudslides of mountains and patching up gangsters and crime punks seeing that they don’t want to go to hospitals and possibly run into the fuzz.

Fly and Maggie stop at the PO box and take out a package left by Kimo for Fly.  It’s a video tape and the un-opened evidence of the house boat case six years ago.  Apparently, Kimo never looked at the case.

Fly and Maggie take refuge in a motel.  Fly questions why Kimo never looked at the case.  Maggie explains that if the truth was that Lakeka was dead, he would have no reason to live.  His niece was everything to him.  The daughter he never had.

Fly watches the tape and sees Kimo talking to the camera addressing it as Fly.  “Pretty spooky shit, uh, Fly?”  He says.  Kimo says that he’s grown to love Fly like a son over the years based on Maggie’s premonitions.  Kimo offers more clues and back story leading him closer to the mud pirates.  

Meanwhile, Spider is getting a bullet extracted from his stomach and patched up with dental floss.  The leader of the mud pirates, Rudolph, wants to know who gave Spider the new belly button.  The trick with the mud pirates is that when ever poeple come to visit, the pirates want to get in on some deal that’s going down.  And this particular venture is all the more appealing when the story sounds all too familiar.  Rudolph remembers his interview with Maggie six years ago.  She told him he has six years to live and he’s going to die bloody.  The Fly prophecy is upon them.

Fly and Maggie set off to the Guns of the Navajo, a Santa Monica gun shop, to arm up and continue after Spider, the last standing Uncle Sam who is going to lead them to the mud pirates and what happened to Lakeka.

Maggie explains that Lakeka was killed in the pirate raid six years ago.  Fly then questions why he’s on this quest.  It’s more of a quest of fulfilling Kimo’s vengence pact.  Maggie then explains why Fly can’t remember what happened to him when he was nine and lost his memory.  His fucked father smashed him around and his mother put him in an orphange to protect him while she was gone.  She was dying of a Cancer.  Fly gets all choked up.  And slowly he starts to get pissed.

The pirates go searching for their colleagues, Mickey and Silicon, at Fly’s apartment building.  Turns out that Silicon and Mickey, now dead, worked for the Uncle Sams and were trying to get them to betray the Uncle Sams to scam them out of money, but now they’re dead.

Beltran, now in leg casts and crutches, finds the pirates in Mickey and Silicon’s apartment.  Everyone is trying to figure out what everyone is doing there.  Beltran and Wani were trying to scam the pirates out of the Uncle Sam scam so the pirates figure they’re going to have to whack Beltran real quick and find that Fly.

After a session of clue searching they find that Spider is heading up to the Area 151 club in the Santa Monica Mountains.  Area 151 is an old castle on the side of the mountain where inclines carry patrons up to a punk rock watering hole where Spider often frequents and soon to be caught up with the likes of the mud pirates.

Fly asks Maggie if he’s going to die tonight.  She says she doesn’t know.  Even if she did know she wouldn’t tell him.  He couldn’t change the outcome anyway.

Fly sees Little Fly, his nine year-old imaginary friend, following him around.  Fly tells Little Fly to go home.  Little Fly refuses.  Then Maggie steps, “You should go home, Fly.”  She pats Little Fly on the head and he mopes on home.

Maggie knows all about Fly, even his most intimate, thoughts -- including Little Fly.

Fly then runs into Wani, his bitch neighbor, at the Area 151.  Wani explains she’s meeting her beau there.

Wani leads Maggie and Fly up to the parapet where they run into Spider who’s all fucked up on painkillers and bullet wounds.

Turns out that Wani and Spider were in on the whole thing.  They were trying to scam the money from under the Uncle Sam scam that Beltran was trying to do with Wani only Wani and Beltran were trying to fuck over Mickey and Silicon leaving the pirates holding the bag.  Wani was able to arrange it all using Lakeka’s disppearence as a diversion to get Kimo and Beltran in on it.

But Fly sees this whole fuck storm simply as righting that which was fucked.  He’s gonna kick Wani and Spider’s ass, but then the pissed off pirates show and the GUN PLAY begins and ends in a mud slide chase down the mountain, running into exploding septic tanks, low hanging branches, tree stumps and wind up at the bottom of the mountain in a pile of bruised egos and cadavers. 

Maggie tries to compose herself and finds Fly struggling to get up from all the dead folks.

Fly his satisfied.  He finally did something he feels is just.  He righted what was once fucked.  He looks at the mud-caked Maggie and sees that she’s crying.

Fly wants to know what’s up.  She says nothing.  She explains that she’d fallen in love with him and all.  It just didn’t seem fair.

Fly’s feeling good and walks over to her and holds up Kimo’s bottle cap, “I won, Maggie.  I finally won.”

“Like I told ya, Fly.  Nobody wins those things.”  Fly’s vexed by her pessimism and realizes that he’s one of the corpses, “Fuck me dry.”  He sighs and pitches the cap into the woods.

He shoves his hands into his pockets, turns away from Maggie and ambles down the road and disappears into the shadows.

BoneYard & THAT-A-WAY Productions © May 13, 2001



Script Excerpts

The Introduction (Shit Happens)

Includes Fly and Kimo's historical first meeting, Maggie McMaster's great intro to Fly and some stuff with the Uncle Sams.

Fly Glossary

Blackie (Blak·ee), n. -
A brand of cigarette that was taken off the market because of a rumor that they kill people.

the motherfucker (thu·muth·er· fuk ·er), n. -
the boss.

m'fucker (m·fuk·er), n. -
1. a subordinate to the motherfucker. 2. vulgar slang for an undsirable person. Also, m'fucka, m'fuckin', mofo, mofu.

p- (pee). -
A prefix before words that categorizes the genre, punk. Ex. p-music, p-movie, p-rock, etc.


BoneYard & THAT-A-WAY Productions